Please Check on Your Kids. Not Just Their Grades.

I've been thinking about some things happening among schoolchildren lately, and honestly, a few of them have been quite disturbing. I've heard stories before, of course. But this week, something happened to my own daughter, and it got me thinking about the bigger picture.

Some of her belongings went missing at school and were eventually found inside a toilet bowl in the boys' restroom. Yes, a toilet bowl. In the boys' CR, of all places. And apparently, hers was already the fourth case of missing belongings that week.

I don't know who did it, and I'm not going to start pointing fingers without knowing the facts. But unless purses, wallets, and kikay kits have suddenly developed legs and an interest in visiting restrooms, I think it's fair to say there are questions worth asking.

When I raised the concern, it wasn't simply because my daughter was involved. It was because four incidents in one week sounded a little too frequent to keep treating as isolated cases. The things my daughter and her classmates lost can be replaced. They're just things. What bothers me more is the possibility that someone is getting increasingly comfortable doing things like this because nobody has managed to put a stop to it.

And I worry about that child, too, whoever it may be. If this was someone's idea of a joke, well, we clearly need to have a conversation about their sense of humor. If there was something more deliberate behind it, that's another conversation entirely. Either way, I'd rather see a child corrected now than watch the same behavior become a much bigger problem later.

Then there are the other things I've been hearing about. Students being unnecessarily rude to classmates. Teachers being called names behind their backs. Group chats where foul language, nasty remarks, and making fun of other people seem to be part of the entertainment. And some of the children involved are apparently the same sweet, polite, academically accomplished kids you'd never suspect of behaving that way.

Which is interesting, because we parents tend to know our children as they are around us. We know the affectionate, helpful, sometimes irritating little humans we live with. But the version their classmates see? That's a whole other audience, and we're not always invited to the show.

Now, I know children have always gotten into trouble. We did, too. I'm 44, not 144, and I'm certainly not going to pretend my generation was made up of perfectly behaved little angels who always listened to their parents, respected every rule, and never tested a teacher's patience. We had our moments. Plenty of them.

But I also don't think “Bata pa naman, ganyan talaga” should become the automatic response whenever a child does something that hurts or disrespects another person. Yes, they're kids. That's exactly why we're supposed to be teaching them these things now, while they're still figuring out how to behave around other people.

And before anyone thinks I'm suggesting we treat every missing pencil case like a criminal investigation, no. Things get lost. Kids argue. Misunderstandings happen. I wouldn't want my own children accused of something without evidence, and I wouldn't do that to somebody else's child either. But when concerns keep coming up, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask what's happening.

Which brings me to something I think we parents need to remind ourselves every now and then.

Please check on your kids. And I don't just mean their grades.

Ask how they're getting along with their classmates. Listen to how they talk about their teachers. Have conversations about what goes on in their group chats, what they consider funny, and whether they understand that not everybody appreciates being the punchline.

And while we're asking whether anyone has been mean to our children, perhaps we should occasionally ask whether they've been mean to somebody else.

I know. Not exactly the kind of question that makes for a pleasant dinner conversation. But our children can be the sweetest little angels at home and completely different people once they're out of our sight. The same child who hugs you goodnight and tells you they love you might be calling a teacher names or making another kid miserable at school the following morning.

And yes, I'm including my own children here. I love them dearly, and I'd like to believe Jay and I have raised them well. But I'm also realistic enough to know that I don't have access to every conversation they have or every decision they make. I don't follow them around school, and I certainly don't sit beside them while they chat with their friends. I'm their mother, not their personal CCTV system.

If one of my children does something wrong, I'd rather know about it. I might not enjoy hearing it, and I probably won't be thrilled with whatever explanation they come up with, but at least we can address it. What I don't want is to be the parent who immediately says, “Hindi kayang gawin ng anak ko 'yan,” simply because I can't imagine my child behaving that way.

I've always believed teachers deserve respect, and I've said this before in other posts. They spend so much time helping our children learn, grow, and occasionally survive their own questionable decisions. But I also think we've become a little too comfortable expecting schools to correct behaviors that should already be addressed at home.

A teacher can remind a student to be respectful. They can call out inappropriate behavior and explain why it isn't acceptable. But if that same student goes home and hears that the teacher is just being overly sensitive, what exactly are we teaching them?

And can we please stop confusing academic performance with good character? A child can be intelligent, talented, consistently on the honor roll, and still behave terribly toward another person. Medals and certificates are wonderful, but they don't come with automatic exemptions from basic decency.

I don't expect my kids to have perfect classmates, nor do I expect my own children to be perfect. They're growing up, testing boundaries, making mistakes, and occasionally doing things that make us wonder whether all those years of parenting advice went straight out the window. That's part of raising teenagers, I suppose.

What matters is whether we help them recognize when they've crossed a line. I want my children to be able to tell me when they've messed up, even if it means having a difficult conversation afterward. I'd rather deal with an uncomfortable truth than have them become experts at hiding things because they know I'll either defend them automatically or refuse to listen.

So while we're busy asking whether our children are doing well in school, perhaps we should also ask whether the people around them are doing okay because of how our children treat them.

I'd rather have a child who occasionally struggles with a subject than one who consistently makes somebody else's school day miserable. Grades can improve with studying, tutoring, and a little less time on their phones. But correcting behavior becomes a lot harder when we've spent years convincing a child that everything they do is somebody else's fault.

As for what happened this week, I hope the school gets to the bottom of it. Not because I'm demanding somebody's head over a few missing belongings, but because I'd rather not hear about a fifth incident next week. And whoever is responsible, I hope they get the guidance they need, too.

The missing things can be replaced. I'd be more worried about a child growing up thinking they can do whatever they want to other people without consequences.

Because eventually, they won't be kids anymore.